"knitta, please!"

[link via RC, of the After School Specials]

This article is, for real, titled "Knitta, Please!" I think that makes it worth reading. I must confess, I understand the point of "useless" knitting. I think that a lot of what I knit is technically "useless" in that I don't need an Interlocking Rings top (especially since it made me buy a strapless bra) or a Holiday Halter from Hell (especially since it made me buy a strapless backless bra) (both of these Wonderbras, go figure). I love my hot pink Lucky Cardi but could totally live without it. "Fashion" knitting, like the kind the follows trends (poncheaux, anyone?), seems completely pointless to me, since the time spent knitting is usually greater than the total time that the item is considered "hott."

I believe in knitted zombie doll tableaux. (Wow I never thought I would need to use that plural-spelling formation twice in one post!) I believe in car-radio-antennae cozies. Back in my office-job days, I dreamed of knitting a matching set of cozies for every item on my desk; I even drew schematics and vague directions for assembly. Coffee mug, keyboard, monitor, in-box, dictionary. All warm and snug in their knitted outfits. I believe in "useless" knitting in its inocuous, non-tacky, whimsical forms.

Tonight I am confronted with my TRUE useless knitting, as I am set to attend a holiday partay (which I am supposed to be AT right now) and I have all these "holiday party" knitted goods that are begging to be worn. The Holiday Halter is entirely inappropriate for this crowd (those of you who have been to UNC office parties might know what kind of "party" this is) and is way too boobily for wearing in front of computer boys. Should I select the gossamer KSH shrug instead? And is it too much to build an entire outfit around a shrug?

Fortunately I also have a cashmere winter-white cardigan purchased for a holiday party (for aforementioned office-job) which I never got to enjoy as I was the designated Drunk Girl Dancing Onstage Who Won't Remember It Tomorrow and have no memory of wearing said garment other than knowing that I told everyone I saw that I was wearing a sweater made of kittens. (It's THAT soft.) So the t-neck it is, but then I wonder; should I wear the black velvet skirt I bought last winter for holiday parties (which you may gather I sometimes but not often attend) but never got worn? Is it too much? Should I "dress down" with Dansko clogs?